in pain on purpose

I am in pain on purpose right now. I have another doctors appointment tomorrow morning for my knee, and last time I saw him I was symptom free after a few days of rest and a lot of Aleve and ice. After all my tests came back perfect, he wants to see me again because it still hurts. No matter how much time off I take the pain comes right back with the first step that I run. So in the past week I had to run 20 miles, which is totally normal for me. And today I ran hills which are the one thing that really really makes my knee hurt, took none of the 6 Aleve/day that I've been prescribed, and didn't ice it. I am in pain city right now. But the doctor needs to see the pain to know what's wrong and know how to fix it. I have lots of thoughts rolling around in my head about how we need to be aware of our "pain" (more emotionally or spiritually) to see problems and be able to address them. Pain isn't always bad, it's a message that something has gone wrong somewhere. The thoughts haven't solidified quite yet, but they're rolling around in there and will hopefully settle somewhere.

Sidenote: I really really miss Lauren and Karissa. I didn't realize how much I depended on them at the end of every day to say that my day was hard, frustrating, good, emotional, busy, etc. They were my hugs every night that let me know it would be ok no matter what. I miss having someone to process my thoughts with, no matter what time it is. I miss the random talks that would happen all piled up on Lauren's bed or all sitting on the floor of the bathroom. My running shoes aren't very good at helping me see two sides to every story or giving me a hug. They're just dirty, a little smelly, and wet from my afternoon run in the rain.