What a night...

What a not fun night. I got the stomach thing that a few people had last week, and I got it bad. I felt fine when I went to bed, and woke up an hour later with just enough time to run to the bathroom before I got sick. I then proceeded to throw up 25-30 times over the next 10 hours. I had a fever of 103.5, and every inch of my body is in serious pain. I even called my mom at 5am because I was so sick that I couldn't move and wasn't sure what to do. Thankfully, my fever started to break around 1, and I'm feeling a little bit better. I was so bummed about missing kids church though. I'll go a month without going to church or life group, which is way too long. I'm really missing the fellowship and feeling a little dry and slumpy. Hopefully I'm feeling better enough on Tuesday or Wednesday to spend some time with people before I leave for Lauren's wedding.


**Update**
I think today will go down as one of the worst days of my life. My fever that had broken is back up, and I still can't even keep down a few sips of water. Ashley (roommate who's a nurse) happened to stop in this afternoon while she was passing through town to Bloomington. She did say that if tomorrow I still can't even keep down a sip of water I should probably call the doctor. I'm so dehydrated that my vision is blurring and my arms, legs, and face are tingling. Not fun. I hate the flu.

Back Home Blues

I have the back home blues. After being away for two weeks with the family, my schedule is all messed up and my emotions and thoughts are all over the map. I've tried to explain to people that I have to stay busy and keep my schedule full because when I slow down I crash. Welcome crash. I did work out and shower today, but I'm still wearing pj's with stains on them, and laying on the couch in a dark and dirty apartment watching a marathon of one of the worst shows ever: "real housewives of orange county". I hate the back home blues that I always get after a break or extended family time. It usually takes me a few days or even a few weeks to snap back. What is it about that funk that everyone gets in after a break or too much family time?

I'm Back!

I'm back. Home sweet home. Being gone for two weeks is way too long. The past two weeks have been interesting. I'll try to sum it up and go in order.

Graduation: Well, it almost didn't happen because of the snow. Thankfully though, it still did. Everyone made it, and Lauren graduated with highest distinction. Seriously, when they had everyone stand up who had highest distinction, I got all teary because I was so proud. We got some great pictures on my mom's camera, I'll post one as soon as she sends them to me.

Cancun: Pretty good. The weather was amazing, I got to read 5 books, drink a delicious mango-tango every afternoon on the beach, and eat shrimp every day. We even took an hour and a half drive to Tulum to see the Mayan ruins. It was actually pretty neat, the guide who walked us through made everything really interesting. We got to snorkel one day too, which is usually one of my favorite things to do. This time it wasn't as great. The water was FREEZING, their weren't as many bright fish, and the guy rushed us. However, we did swim across several stingrays and a 5 ft long barracuda swam right underneath me. Family stuff was difficult. I went to bed at 8pm every night because my emotions were just running so raw. My family places so much emphasis on weight, food, and exercise. I felt like I was going out of my mind. I just tried to focus on relaxing and enjoying the weather.

Home: What a busy few days. I did so much shopping to get work clothes and found some really great deals. Yesterday, I was watching tv and getting a headache, so I took my glasses off and they broke in half! So my mom rushes me over to lens crafters so fast you'd think I was in some kind of medical emergency. My frames were discontinued, so I had to pick out new glasses. I was so bummed, I loved my glasses. I asked the lady who was helping me to find me something the exact same as what I had. We found something close, and I don't love them, but I'm hoping they'll grow on me. Lauren gets married in 7 days! I can't stop thinking about it, I'm so excited! Tonight I get to watch Raya and Brooks, and I can't wait. I missed those two so much, every time I called Sarah, Raya would ask when I was coming back.

The End

As of 9pm tonight....I'm done with college!!! My finals are done, I'm just waiting for graduation on Sunday afternoon. It's surreal. I can't fathom not having any homework do to. Oh well, I'm jumping around my apartment in celebration!!! WOOHOO!

Top 10 Tuesdays

Ann's blog got me thinking this morning on my way to work....So here are my top 10 reasons why I love working with kids.

10) Kids tell you how it is, they don't sugar coat things or beat around the bush
9) Everything can be done in games, even the serious stuff
8) There are constantly teachable moments if you're looking for them
7) Watching a kid get something they've been working hard on, like tying shoes or zipping their own coat
6) Reading books is cool, you can use all your funny voices
5) Cuddle time
4) You can put motions to any song you're sing loud and off key and it's the greatest thing ever.
3) Holding a sleeping baby has got to be the best feeling in the world
2) A good Dora band aid can save the day.
1) Most kids don't have the emotional baggage that adults have, it keeps those relationships simple and honest.

This list was a good one to make as I was sitting at the doctor's office with one of the kids on my caseload at 7:30am during finals week. Oh work. At least they got my full time position approved, so I'll be full time at the first of the year.

Addictions

Addictions. So interesting. Combined with the rest of the "more than conquerors" series, very interesting. Turns out I'm quite addicted to busyness and people pleasing. And if you ask my roommates or my best friend, I'm addicted to kids too. I think they might be right, I just don't know if I care. And slowly I'm feeling some depression creeping back in to my life. I'm just feeling sad about nothing, and really preferring to stay home alone lately. But because of the last month, I'm getting better at fessing up to my junk and letting people pray for me, even though I did try to run away from Tony last week.

I finally got the sickness that everyone else has had. Luckily, I already had a doctors apt. for tomorrow morning, so I can get some medicine quickly. I'm not very excited about my dr. apt in the morning. I might have some cysts. and they want to be extra sure I don't have any cancerous stuff growing, so I'm just nervous. I've already had so much go on in the past year, with pneumonia, knee surgery, and the seizures. Hopefully everything is fine.

knowledge

Over Thanksgiving my cousin recommended that I read "Having a Mary Hear in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. He even went to Barnes and Noble with me to get it. Both is fiance and I struggle a lot with feeling like we need to "do things" for Jesus, instead of letting Jesus do things through us. I had a great conversation with him about feelings so busy all the time, but I can't figure out what needs to go because everything is "good" and I'm trying to use the gifts that God gave me. Well, I've only read the first two chapters of this book, and I LOVE it. I would tell any woman I know to read it, and look at the 12 week companion study that's in the back of the book, the questions take you into scripture and are really thought provoking. This week, I actually laughed out loud reading one section.

"What is it about us women that creates such a desperate need in us to always "know", to always "understand"? We want an itinerary for our life, and when God doesn't immediately produce one, we set out to write our own. "I need to know," we tell ourselves. "No," God answers softly, "you need to trust." But like the original first lady (eve), we push aside his tender voice and head straight for the tree. Not the sacrificial tree of the cross, but the proud, towering beauty called Knowledge. Because, after all, knowledge is power, and power is what we secretly crave."

I'm embarrassed to admit I fall smack dab in the middle of that. If you only knew all the lists I have made of exactly what I'm going to do when, in what order, and how it will turn out. I want to know exactly where my life is going, and when I'm going to be there. I used to make calendars, probably monthly, planning out the next 10 years of my life. I'm learning slowly to relinquish my freakish desire to plan, and trust the one that God's got. What made me laugh about this paragraph in the book was that I know I would not have held out as long as Eve did. I hate not knowing everything, if there are things I don't know then I can be surprised or lose control. Some people call it nosy and controlling, I like to think of it as inquisitive. I would have been sprinting towards that tree, because there was something I didn't know and therefore someone else was in control of the situation. Good thing the future of the human race wasn't on my shoulders, it could have been uglier.

Work and Life = crazy

This has been a fun week at work. They let me move my office! I was in a glorified closet by all the filing cabinets, now I have an office twice that size, it has a window with cute white lace curtains, a chair that doesn't squeak and groan, business cards (I feel very grown up carrying those around), AND.....the real bonus.....an old apple computer from 1990. And the girls and I sat around the office munching on cookies and chatting about life. Oh, and I got my first paycheck, which is always fun.

Besides work, I feel like life is kicking me in the pants right now. I just feel the weight of the world. I don't like holding the fate of a child's life in my hand. I hated having to fight with my family about not being able to counsel my twin cousins and their parents because it's unethical. I got asked to lead the Women Who've Been There support group for women who've been sexually assaulted. Lauren nailed me about how if I want my relationship with Eric to go anywhere I can't just keep fitting him in. I'm really struggling with feeling so burdened with life that it's hard to keep going. I've been listening to a lot of hymns lately, and God's really been speaking to me through them. They've been bringing me a lot of peace lately, and I just think it's funny to listen to slow melodic hymns while I'm running. A real juxtapositions.

what is the world coming to...

I am so sad about the world today. I have twin cousins, Melissa and Alicia, who are a year younger than me. Melissa is a junior in interior design at Indiana University of Pennsylvania, and Alicia is in the air force and stationed in Germany for 2 years. Over Thanksgiving, someone broke in to Melissa's house at IUP and destroyed everything. It was a hate crime. They cut every cord in the house, electrical cords, USB cords, cables, everything. They cut up all their clothing, they poured bleach into all their food and drinks, poured syrup into all electrical appliances, cut their faces out of all their pictures and pasted them together with swear words on them, and graffitied the inside of the apartment. Melissa has been through so much in the past few years. She was a big partier, and has been in two serious car accidents where she almost died both times. Those car accidents were a wake up call to her and she has completely turned her life around, gotten plugged in to a church and Christian group on campus, and totally loves Jesus. But still, she's terrified right now, because they have no idea who did this, and everything she owned was destroyed in hate.

Her twin sister Alicia who's in Germany was attacked this weekend by another Air Force guy who lives in her building. He had a knife, and she was able to fight him in the hallway for 10 minutes until he started to get tired and she could make a run into her apartment and lock the door. Thankfully she wasn't seriously hurt. She's pressing charges, but she still has to see this guy every day and he still lives in her building right now. My heart is breaking for both of them. I want to help, I want to do something! I want to give Melissa everything she's lost, I want to protect Alicia from this guy, but I can't. All I can really do is pray, stay in contact with them, and encourage them in Christ. But my heart is breaking, and all I can seem to do is cry. These things shouldn't happen, but they do, and I feel like my hands are tied. God, show me how I can be there and support them both.

The Game of Life

Eric and I went old school last night and played the game of Life. The only problem was, we couldn't really remember how to play the game. We forgot to pick up career and salary cards, we didn't know we could buy stock, and the worst part was we forgot how you won. Was it the person who reached retirement first? In that case, Eric won. Was it the person who had the most money when they got to retirement? In that case, I definitely won. The funniest thing was that the life tiles and spaces that I landed on were so me. I got to adopt two kids, learn sign language, won a humanitarian award, ran a world record mile, won a marathon, and traveled to Italy. Unfortunately, my split level house that cost $30,000 got hit by a tornado that ended up costing me $125,000.

What does winning in "real" life even mean. It's definitely not who has the most money when they retire, even though it is important to save/plan for retirement. It's probably not who gets to retire first. I know that winning in life has everything to do with Jesus, but I don't totally know what it looks like. Something to ponder on my run...