I'm feeling very stuck in the middle right now, trying to balance all of the weird things that come with being me. Too bad I was always really bad at the balance beam in gym class, I fell off a lot. My mom always told me that I do things to extremes and can't ever find a middle ground. I used to get really mad when she said that, but turns out she's right.
Balancing act 1: Time
Option 1 is running around at break neck speed too busy to eat, read, or answer my phone. Option 2 is that I don't do anything at all and lay on the couch or in bed all day. I'm trying really hard to find a mix of the two, where I can go to school, work, church, crisis center, have time to run, hang out with people, and watch kids without being too stressed out and acting like a crazy person. There's two strong categories. Things I love (church, hanging out, watching kids, running) and things I really really don't like (school, work, crisis center). The majority of my time is devoted to the things I don't really enjoy, which is probably why my time feels so out of balance, I don't really like the things I'm doing.
Balancing act 2: Where do I belong
I feel like I spend a lot of time standing around between two groups of people not knowing where I fit in. I'm still in college but I don't connect very well with a lot of other college students. I tend to be slightly more responsible than the average college student and I get frustrated with people who are disrespectful. I connect much better with all the moms and families, but I'm not a mom yet, as much as I want to be. And I'm not a family either, I'm just me. So I can't sit around and talk with the moms about being married or having kids, but I don't want to sit around with the college kids talking about drinking or their boyfriends. I guess for now I'm actually really content being the one holding the babies and chasing the kids around. It would just be more fun if someone was standing there with me.
Balancing act 3: Running
I love to run. It makes me feel superhuman and like I can do anything. When I'm running body image issues are gone, my legs aren't "thick" but strong and powerful. Running keeps me sane, it's my time to pray and think through things that are too overwhelming any other time. But I'm always fighting through an injury, whether it's stress fractures, arthritis, or a mysterious knee problem. I'm so tired of running through pain. But after a day off of running I'm going crazy and I want to get back out there and hit the road as soon as I can. I can't figure out how to let injuries heal and still get the feeling that running gives me.
2 comments:
Isn't there a line in "The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss about life being a great balancing act? What can't you find in children's lit :) (Another good reason to hang out with 2 yo's :)) I hear ya...and that's where the body sermon fits in, it would be pretty wierd to have 10 noses on your face, so it's ok that you're not a clone of others around you--you fill a special role :)
Hey! It's Ann's friend, Jen from C'ville. I was struck by what you said about not knowing where you fit in. Even when you do "fit" with a group, sometimes you still feel out of place. Recognize that as one of the enemy's crafty ways of trying to make you feel alone. You ALWAYS fit with Jesus. Just let Him show you where He wants you to be right now...even if it is with other moms. I wish I had spent more time with other Godly families before I was responsible for one!
Post a Comment