Lauren is back!!!! I didn't realize how much I missed her until this morning. I have lots of people here who are so supportive of me, and I finally feel like a part of a family at RVC, but nothing replaces your best friend. I just really missed having that person who you can talk about any and everything with. I'm excited to be able to plan the wedding with her, I can't believe she'll be married in a few months! I'm just happy to have her back and get a good quality Lauren hug.
In other news, my mom is coming up next weekend. She wants to see how I'm doing because she's starting to worry about me. I want to try and deal with this family stuff instead of ignoring it. I don't know how to make her understand that I'm not the same kid that she remembers in middle school. Middle school was the start of my dark years. She still remembers the little girl who would pretend to be sick for attention, and when that didn't work tried breaking her hands and feet and forced herself to have an eating disorder trying to get someone to notice her instead of her all star brother. I've moved on from that part of my life, I'm a completely different person. I'm really proud of my brother instead of jealous, and I don't do stupid things to get my parents to pay attention. Now that I'm having medical problems again, she's convinced that I'm doing it to myself. I really just don't know how to explain it. I can understand her doubts, I know that I really put her through a lot and it must have been so hard to watch her little girl do those things. But I want her to know that I'm different. I want her to know that this wasn't my fault, and that I'm scared. I keep dreaming about brain tumors and cancer. I know the chances of that are really small, but they're still chances. Anyways, I have a week to figure out how to resolve this family issue. But I'm determined to deal with it instead of run.
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2 comments:
((hugs)). I'm praying that your mom will genuinely see you as who you have become. Relationships, especially those with family (who have known you forever) are hard to change at times. I will be praying for you to keep persevering...and for the tests to not be anything scary.
Guess that's the problem with memories...you project them on the "now", even when people have grown. Many hugs and prayers--families are particularly stubborn in remembering who you used to be, instead of who you are now.
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