So Happy

I had a beautiful bouquet waiting for me from a certain boy when I got home today. And the timing couldn't have been better. I had such a rough day yesterday, and was super stressed out today, but now I'm pretty happy! I've never gotten flowers from a boy before :-)

Crazy Morning

What a day. Church this morning was great. I loved the sermon, it really fit with what I've been thinking about all week. During second service I sat in the lobby and talked with Lauren and Karissa, and we all just shared stuff that was stressing us out. Then baptisms, always great. For some reason I just lost it during baptisms and was sobbing, but it was a good cry. I'm just going through some weird stuff right now.

After church I really just needed to get away with my thoughts and just spend time with God. I ended up taking a 3 hour walk through Happy Hollow. It was amazing, I cried and prayed for a while. I was feeling really unsettled still as I was walking home, when my iPod switched to the song "You are Redemption". I just started laughing. I was thinking of that squishy sheep petting Jesus, but what I need is the strong powerful God right now. There was one line in the song, "You are the warrior, riding to battle, declaring his love for his bride." My emotions are still all over the place, and I'm trying to work through some stuff, but it's ok, God's riding into battle for me.

Pumpkin Carving!

Tonight, Eric, Lauren, and I carved pumpkins. Somehow in Eric's 27 years of life, he has never carved a pumpkin! It was the most fun I've had in a really long time. We had to make it a full experience. You had to pick out your own pumpkin, carve it free handed, and then we roasted the seeds at the end. Lauren's purse design was definitely the best one artistically, but I think Eric won for creativity. He had to perform a little pumpkin surgery with my stapler when his entire design fell out.

What a week

What a week. I have pushed way past the limit of stressed out and exhausted, and I don't think it's good for me. I've done the same project several times trying to get it right but still turned in a not perfect copy, had an emotionally draining week with a roommate in crisis, and took some midterms. In my night class I started getting really dizzy and disoriented, and I freaked out that I was going to have another seizure. Thankfully, I didn't, all things in my cute little brain are safe.

I interviewed with Debra Corn Agency this afternoon, and it is the perfect place for me. It fits where my heart is at so perfectly. I think the interview went really well, and I'm going to personally drop off thank you notes tomorrow for the girls who interviewed me, plus the application they gave me to fill out. I'll keep praying, but this job just really seems like it's it.

My family is going to be here this weekend. My mom really wants to meet Eric at church, so I'm going to be playing interception or some word like that. I really don't need to add family in to the mix. It'll be interesting.

Dependency

I was doing my quiet time this morning, going through a Kay Arthur study on the Beatitudes titled "Lord, only you can change me." One line at the end of today's part really got me thinking.

If God withdrew from you, from your church, from your ministry, what difference would it make?

I was so mad at my initial reaction. I immediately thought, I'd keep on going, I'd make it work. That's so not it Mindy! If God isn't the focal point of your life, church, ministry, etc., it shouldn't even be able to function anymore. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I have to do and performing that I completely lose my dependency on God. It was a big eye opener. How much am I trying to do on my own power? The answer is sadly, a lot. I think this is a question that I'm going to need to be asking myself a lot, probably daily, from now on. If God wasn't a part this day, what difference would it make?

Oh, and one more happy tidbit of news: I have an interview Thursday afternoon with Debra Corn Agency, Inc. for a position where I could start part time now and switch to full time in January.

Kids Church

I had a real "these kids get it" moment in kids church today. It was time for prayer, which usually turns in to a comparison of boo-boos. Well, today was still the comparison of boo-boo's, but the kids were all about the prayer. They were all laying hands on each other and offering to pray instead of me doing it. The best was when Raya had an invisible one on her little toe, and Lilly ran over there, grabbed Raya's foot, and yelled "I'll pray, I'll pray!" and then did it. I love hearing little kids talk to God, it's so simple and perfect.

Some other fun stuff happened today with a certain guy. We're now officially dating. :-)

Great day

Friday was a great day. After my hardest and busiest week of the semester which included 3 exams and 3 projects due plus some extra stuff for the Crisis Center and church this week, Friday at 9:30 am I could finally relax and sleep. I laid on the couch for a while and watched Greys Anatomy and Private Practice, got up and made some lunch, had coffee with Emily which is always awesome, took a 3 hour nap, taught swim lessons and the kids were all in good moods, then went out to dinner and mini-golfing with Eric which was the highlight of the day. Turns out I am really bad at mini golf, and he isn't much better. But I did make the hole in one at the end where you hit it in the clown's mouth! It was a day full of great things.

AND...I had two different people call me wanting to interview me for a job! They both called while I was at work, so I didn't get the message till after 6 when they had left, but I'll call them back first thing Monday. Anyways, the people who called. The first is Debra Corn Agency, Inc. It's a foster care and adoption agency in town. Their little tag line is "treating the whole child in a broken world." I'm pretty pumped about that because from all the research I've done it seems pretty awesome. Vision of Hope also called. That's a new residential treatment center for women that Faith Baptist is opening in December. Also really cool. This one might be more of a stretch because I would have to complete some more school to earn a professional counseling degree, which I don't really want to do. But it sure doesn't hurt to do the interview and find out more. Still praying that God will bring me to the right job.

Why?

I'm having one of those days where I just want to have things out with God. Why do great people lose babies? I understand the whole "hear but not yet" thing and that Satan definitely has power in this world, but why? You say the word miscarriage around me, and I guarantee you that I will instantly burst in to tears and not be able to stop for a while. I just don't understand it. Why do wonderful women lose babies, it's not right. To be honest, I'm feeling pretty angry with God right now. On top of that, I think I'm going through one of those weeks where I'm really feeling banged against the rocks. I can't stop crying about Ashley and Todd planning their wedding. I'm crushed that kids church went bad because that's the one thing that I'm supposed to be good at, and I put a lot of effort in to last week, and it went horribly. I'm not doing a good job of communicating with a certain person and I feel pretty horrible about that. I know that God is ultimatly good. And I'm reading James 1 trying to come to terms with some stuff. What I really need to do is walk to my bridge in Happy Hollow, sit there, and talk this all out with God. I know I won't get all the answers, but at least a peace about something would be nice.

Volunteering

"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." ~Sir Winston Churchill

Someone gave me a bookmark with this quote on it today. It is so true, and so the way I think about life. If I could make a career out of volunteering, I would do it. I want to volunteer everywhere. The crisis center, the domestic violence shelter, big brothers big sisters, LUM, community and family resource center, etc. I'll just keep praying that I find the right job. I should hear back in around 2 weeks from Healthy Families. Keep praying.

Fall

I LOVE fall. I think fall is the best season ever. I want to get married in the fall some day. I am really trying to soak up as much fall as I can. I've been drinking some hot cider every morning (sugar free of course, since I'm trying to lose my knee surgery 10 lbs). I've started running again slowly, so that I can look at the pretty trees and enjoy the crisp weather. I'm loving my hoodies and fleece pants. I've made some yummy pumpkin muffins a few times, and made lots and lots of applesauce. I've been doodling leaves and pumpkins on my class notes. I'm thinking that for my kids craft for RVCTV tomorrow I'll bring in a bag of those little pumpkins, some googly eyes, and some markers and they can decorate a pumpkin to take home. Fall is fantastic. I'm really glad that God thought it up, and that I live in a part of the country that actually gets a fall. If anyone is participating in fall activities and wants a tag along, you can call me!

10pm rant

It's time for a 10pm rant. Where's Sarah when I need her, she can usually rant with me. I'm feeling so angry with social injustices right now. People's dad's shouldn't die. Kids shouldn't be abused. Miscarriages shouldn't happen. I want a perfectly happy sunny world. I don't like that Satan can mess with things. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Engagement

So, it finally happened. Ashley(roommate) and Todd(ex) are engaged as of last night and getting married in August. I'm happy for them, it's an exciting time. I'm also now painfully aware of the scars that I still have from when he and I broke up like a year and a half ago. One of those days where I'm just wandering around the apartment wondering if he was right when he said that I wasn't worth it, and then getting mad at myself for defining my worth through a guy who wasn't right for me. I just don't really know what to think about it all. I'm incredibly confused.

Interview

I had my interview with Healthy Families today, and I think it went really well. They asked me a lot of situational questions like "can you ever spoil a child" and "what would you tell a mom of a 0-4 month old about discipline." But I really liked the team leaders that interviewed me, and I love the mission of the organization. And come on, I could get paid to talk with parents about their kids and how to be better parents in their difficult circumstances. So now, I just wait and pray. It'll be about 3 weeks before I hear back because they are running an ad in the paper and want to see who else applies.

bittersweet morning

What a bittersweet morning. Had a text message from Tiffany when I woke up that Ike's dad really wasn't doing well, which was pretty sudden. Went to class where we talked about death. Got home, had a message that Ike's dad died this morning while I was in class. Then I got an interview with Healthy Families on Monday morning, and someone in our apartment is getting flowers delivered today but we don't know who or who they're from. So it's a very bittersweet day. My emotions are very confused.

Coffee shop talk

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." Philippians 1:13

Pretty sweet verse that I read the other day. Totally unrelated to the rest, just thought I'd share it. Kim Stroik and I had a great talk Sunday night at a new coffee shop by our place. We decided we're going to try and make Sunday night chats at a coffee shop a regular thing. It was great to really process the sermon after I'd had a few hours to think about it. We're both definitely external processors, so the conversation just kept on going. I really liked the sermon on elders and deacons. I definitely see a few areas in my life that need some work, and it was a good reminder that it's ok to desire to be a leader, not something I need to feel guildy about. Our talk last night centered around how do you have lists like these of things you need to be without becoming legalistic, which is something that I really struggle with. Very good talk on why things like this are so important, and how to keep it from becoming a list of rules of things I can and can't do. Also a good talk on how women compare themselves so much, and these kinds of lists can really be a struggle. I find myself looking at the list of things that the deacons (servants) should be doing and feeling like the other kids church teachers are all so much better. I know that these kinds of thoughts are a huge way that Satan attacks me, so it was really good to talk it out with Kim and see that I'm not the only one who thinks like that sometimes.