Top 10 Tuesdays

Top 10 signs you need a break:

10. You knit the same row of a baby blanket 6 times, and it still isn't right.
9. A long drive to a foster parents house is the best part of your day...you don't have to answer your phone because you can claim it's "not safe".
8. You actually said the sentence "The TFP called the FHC about the FCM, and the FHC told the CCC and CC about the problem". Apparently, using full words is too much of a hassle.
7. A large bag of gummi bears qualifies for lunch and dinner.
6. Scrubbing the stove top makes you burst in to inconsolable tears.
5. Your shoulders have risen to your ears and seem to be stuck there.
4. You blow through novels in 2 or 3 days, because it's easier to read than sleep.
3. Someone asks you how you're doing, and your honest answer is "I don't know".
2. Everyone's name comes out wrong, like Darlene becomes Dianne.
1. You refuse to drink a beverage that does not have caffeine.


I'm definitely feeling stressed and burned out. I can't wait to relax tonight at faux family dinner and bake biscotti.

Melodic Monday

This is my current favorite song for my winter blue mood. I am feeling very caught in the middle of life right now. I'm done with my undergrad degree, but not really in to my career and haven't decided yet if I'll be going back to get my MSW (more on that later). I'm living on my own but in a college apartment with other girls who are still in college and supported by their parents. I'm dating Eric and it's getting serious, but we're not married yet. Things with God are pretty lukewarm right now and I'm feeling not totally connected. I am starting to feel very out of control, I really want some clarity!


"Somewhere In The Middle" by Casting Crowns
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Perspective

I got some great perspective on my life tonight. It's been a big week of facing where I've been. Working with some of my kids and foster parents brings up old issues that I have to deal with. Also, I shared all my past junk with Eric which was really hard to do because it's obviously not something that I'm proud of. Eric, in his typical fashion, handled it perfectly. Anyways...for the real story.

Today was my first day volunteering at Vision of Hope with the girls, which I will be doing for 6-10 hours every Saturday. Right now there are only two girls there, as they have been only been open for 6 days(don't worry though, more girls are moving in next week). I really identified with one of the girls, and we were able to have a great conversation. Being able to share with her that God can give you freedom and your life back was great. We had so much in common that it was a little scary. She was glad to know that having an eating disorder for that long doesn't mean your life is over, and that conversation really gave me perspective on how far I've come in the past year. God's brought so much healing and freedom to my life that it makes me tear up when I think about it. Even though it's still hard sometimes, I know that God is good, and way stronger than anything I am coming up against.

Working World

The working world is an interesting place. I will say, it's better than school. I think that working at DCA is going to be a great experience. I have had some really great conversations with the ladies, everyone is really open and we like to talk about life and relationships and hard stuff. The transition from school to work has been pretty easy. I am feeling all jumbled up trying to re-adjust to a schedule after a few weeks of relaxing. I can't wait to have coffee with Emily tomorrow. I need to talk out a lot of things. When my head isn't so confused I'll give a more thorough update.

She's Married!

Lauren's married! It was a fabulous wedding. Some who were at the wedding might even call it "fredazzlin", the combination of fresh and dazzling. It was so smooth and not at all stressful. I got really emotional at the rehearsal dinner, but held it together the day of the wedding. My little Lauren is a wife, and hopefully living it up in St. Thomas right now. The weekend with the girls was really fun too. Kim, Misha, Emi, and I really bonded. It was the fellowship and female bond I had been starving for the past few weeks. We spent so much time just talking and digging in to each others lives on the drives to and from. Fantastic. Those friendships are "triz", another weekend word. We were even able to drive back for church today, so I could surprise Eric. It was pretty funny, he was so tired and out of it that he just stared at me for a while trying to figure out if it was really me. Very fun. We got to spend some good time together tonight just talking, which we haven't done in a while. It was like we've had a long distance relationship the past month with how much I've been gone. Now it's time to go to bed, my first official day as a full time employee of Debra Corn Agency, Inc. starts at 8am tomorrow!

And We're Back!

I finally ate some food! Like three sort of meals, if an apple or pretzels count as a meal. I was even able to go to work for 6 hours and run all kinds of errands around town. I feel fine now, I just can't eat very much. And in the morning, I'm off to St. Louis for Lauren's wedding! I can't believe my best friend will be a married woman in like 3 days. I'm hosting her personal shower tomorrow night, it should be a fun time. I will say though, I'm ready to get back to a routine. Since Thanksgiving my life's been topsy-turvy. With finals, graduation, Mexico, Christmas, stomach flu, and now the wedding. I'm ready to settle down and go back to my regular routine. I want consistency! I am really struggling with my relationship with God and in such a funk. No church or lifegroup for a month doesn't help either. I struggle with being self-motivated so much, I need some routine to keep me consistent. I'm going to enjoy this weekend for all it's worth, and then I will gladly accept the monotony of every day life.

Happy New Year

Well, at least I beat out last year's New Year's Eve lameness by a few points. Last year I worked at the Crisis Center, which is pretty lame. This year I laid on the couch with Dan, Darlene, and Eric and watched movies and sipped on some Sprite. I actually stayed up till 1:30am, which is pretty amazing for me. Now I'm laying on my own couch, sipping on some Gatorade this time. I was able to keep down 2 crackers and a few spoons of jello yesterday, so I think I might try a little chicken broth now. This stomach flu thing is no fun at all. I've lost 10 lbs in 2 days, that can't be good for you. Here's to hoping the new year brings some healthier times.